Few situations in family law are as painful as watching your relationship with your child slip away, not because of anything you have done, but because of what someone else is doing. Parental alienation is one of the most serious issues we encounter in our work, and it is also one of the most misunderstood. This article explains what it means, how it is recognised by the courts, and what you can do if you believe it is happening to your family.

Understanding Parental Alienation

Parental alienation describes a situation where one parent, sometimes called the alienating parent, deliberately damages or destroys a child’s relationship with the other parent, known as the target parent or rejected parent. It is not a single incident. It is an ongoing pattern of negative behaviour designed to turn a child against someone they love.

This behaviour can take many forms. Some are obvious. Others are subtle and harder to spot. Common alienating behaviours include:

  • Repeatedly speaking badly about the other parent in front of the child
  • Telling the child the other parent does not love them or has abandoned them
  • Blocking or limiting contact without a good reason
  • Pressuring the child to choose sides
  • Sharing adult information about legal proceedings or relationship breakdowns with the child
  • Monitoring the child’s contact with the other parent

These actions can cause lasting emotional harm. That is why many professionals now view parental alienation as a form of emotional abuse.

Is Parental Alienation Child Abuse?

This is a question we are asked often. The short answer is: yes, it can be. The Family Justice Council and many child welfare experts recognise that alienation can cause significant harm to a child’s mental health and development.

When a child is manipulated into fearing, hating, or refusing to spend time with a loving parent, the damage can be long-lasting. Children who experience alienation may struggle with trust, identity, and relationships well into adulthood. The long-term effects are serious.

It is worth noting that the Children Act 1989, which governs England and Wales, puts the child’s welfare as the court’s first concern. Courts recognise that a child having a relationship with both parents is, in most cases, in the interests of the child. Deliberately undermining that relationship can therefore be treated as harmful behaviour.

Is Parental Alienation a Crime?

Parental alienation is not, in itself, a criminal offence under current law. However, some of the behaviours associated with it may overlap with criminal conduct. For example, if the alienation occurs alongside coercive control, it may fall within the scope of domestic abuse legislation under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021.

The family court in England and Wales takes these matters seriously, even where no criminal offence has been committed. Judges can and do make findings about alienating behaviour and take action to protect the parent-child relationship.

How to Prove Parental Alienation

Proving parental alienation in the context of family proceedings is challenging. There is no single test. Courts look at the full picture. Evidence that can help includes:

  • A detailed record of missed contact, refused calls, and cancelled visits
  • Written communications, such as texts or emails, showing attempts to undermine the relationship
  • Witness statements from teachers, family members, or others who have seen the child’s behaviour change
  • Reports from social workers or professionals who have assessed the family
  • Input from court advisory and support services

The Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service, known as Cafcass, plays a key role in many of these cases. Cafcass officers speak with children and parents, and their reports carry significant weight with judges. The family court advisory process is designed to ensure that decisions are made with a full understanding of the child’s situation.

Courts will also consider whether a child’s reluctance to see a parent is genuinely their own view or has been shaped by the other parent. This distinction matters enormously. A child resisting or refusing contact is not automatically a sign of alienation. There may be other reasons. The court will want to explore all of them.

How to Report Parental Alienation

If you believe your child is being alienated from you, the first step is to seek legal advice. We can help you understand your options and the right way to document what is happening.

You may also wish to contact Cafcass directly, or raise concerns with your child’s school or GP if you believe the child’s welfare is at risk. In serious cases, a referral to children’s services may be appropriate.

If domestic abuse is also a factor, you can contact the police or speak with a specialist support organisation. The UK Government provides guidance on finding local support services.

How to Deal with Parental Alienation

Dealing with parental alienation requires patience, legal support, and a focus on the child’s needs. Here is what we generally advise:

  • Keep records. Document every missed contact, every concerning message, and every change in your child’s behaviour or attitude towards you.
  • Stay child-focused. Courts respond well to parents who put the child’s needs first. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent, even when it is tempting.
  • Apply for a child arrangements order. A child arrangement order is a court order that sets out when and how a child spends time with each parent. If contact is blocked, the court may enforce the blocking order.
  • Seek therapeutic support. For you and, where appropriate, for your child. The impact of alienation on a child’s relationship can be addressed with the right professional help.
  • Act quickly. The longer alienation continues, the harder it can be to reverse. Early legal intervention matters.

What the Courts Can Do

Cases of parental alienation are taken seriously by the children and family courts. If a judge finds that one parent has been deliberately alienating the other, they have a range of options. These include:

  • Changing the child arrangements order so the child lives with the other parent
  • Ordering family therapy or specialist intervention
  • Making findings that reflect the alienating parent’s conduct
  • In serious cases, making orders that restrict the alienating parent’s contact

The advisory and support service provided by Cafcass can recommend interventions, and courts increasingly work with specialists who understand the psychological impact of alienation. The term termed parental alienation is now widely used in legal and psychological settings, though professionals continue to debate exactly how it should be defined and assessed.

It is also important to be honest: not every case of a child resisting or refusing contact is parental alienation. Sometimes children have their own reasons for not wanting to see a parent. Courts and social workers are trained to look carefully at the evidence before drawing conclusions.

A Note on Parental Alienation Syndrome

You may have come across the term parental alienation syndrome. This concept was introduced by psychiatrist Richard Gardner in the 1980s. It described a cluster of behaviours in children said to result from alienation. The term remains controversial. It is not recognised as a clinical diagnosis in the UK, and the Family Justice Council has advised caution in its use. Courts focus on the behaviour and its impact on the child, rather than applying a diagnostic label.

Getting the Right Support

If you are facing parental alienation, you do not have to manage it alone. The law in England and Wales gives courts real powers to protect children and families and to hold alienating parents to account. Acting early, keeping records, and getting proper legal advice are the most important steps you can take.

If you are unsure where to start, or if contact with your child has already broken down, please do not wait. The sooner you get advice, the more options you are likely to have.

Holland Family Law is here to help you understand your position, explore your options, and take the right steps to protect your relationship with your child. We work with families across England and Wales, and we approach every case with the care and expertise it deserves.

To speak with us, call 0116 4362170 or book an appointment. We are ready to listen and help you move forward.