It’s hard not to feel judged if you’re getting divorced. Whether it’s people calling your divorce a failure, to the government seemingly shaming single parents, it can seem like everyone has an opinion on your choices. The question is, how do you drown out the noise?
The only people who are entitled to an opinion on your divorce is you and your spouse. Getting divorced is a personal choice. It takes bravery, but some people may be quick to judge you and accuse you of being manipulative, greedy, or selfish.
The fact is, you know your motives for getting divorced and you don’t have to justify them to anyone who wades in with an opinion. It’s your life, only you can make decisions for it, and you should have no shame for making the decision to get divorced if it’s in your best interests and the best interests of your children.
With this in mind, here are some strategies for dealing with judgemental people.
Cut ties
The best way to deal with judgemental people is to remove yourself from their lives to avoid their toxicity. Surround yourself with those who support you, not condemn you. Divorce is difficult enough without having to defend yourself against criticism. Cut ties with those who look to shame you for getting divorced.
Are you really being judged?
Are you doing the judging? When getting divorced it can feel like everyone is judging your choices. But perhaps you’re too quick to judge their opinion of you. It’s important not to project your insecurities onto others, but instead give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, you might mistakenly think someone is judging you when in fact, they’re on your side.
Call them out directly
You don’t have to take people’s judgements. If you say nothing, it can empower judgemental behaviour.
However, it’s all about how you call people out on their judgemental attitudes. Tone is everything. It’s important for you to remain calm and neutral in your response. This shows that you have control over your reactions.
Calling people out on their judgemental behaviour can help to diffuse situations and prevent gossip about your personal life circulating.
Here are some ways you could respond:
- “Your comment about ___ made me feel hurt/angry/sad.”
- “I don’t appreciate you gossiping about ____.”
- “I don’t feel safe talking about this topic right now.”
- “I am not going to participate in talking badly about ____.”
- “I hear what you’re saying, but I disagree.”
- “You’re entitled to think that way. I see it otherwise.”
- “That’s your opinion, and I respect it.”
There will be people that pass judgement on you getting divorced. Some will voice their opinion, and others might change their behaviour towards you. The key is not to stoop to their level and to remain in control of the things you can control like your responses and actions.
The more you can do this, the less other people will affect you.
